For Julian
by Violetta-Nero
Summary: LADY MIDNIGHT SPOILER ALERT! Post-Lady Midnight! Mark and Emma are each others distraction over the loss of their loved ones. Will Julian discover the truth? What will Emma do to stop their parabati curse or will there even be anything that they can do to stop it? I am planning on doing around 20 chapters. Work will uploaded every one/two weeks;-).
1. Chapter 1

"Why lie?" Mark suggested and moved one step closer to Emma. His impish smile made him look more farie than he ever did before.

Emma was so in shock about his sudden move that she was paralyzed. It has been a lot for her to handle these days and she had the feeling like her head could explode at any minute.

Mark took her lack of reaction as an agreement and slowly pushed some of Emma's blond strands back behind her ear, moving her chin up so she was facing him.

Emma stared in wonder at the polychromic eyes, one so similar to her beloved Julian's, the other untamed and mysterious.

In another universe, if there had not been the Dark War and if Mark had not been taken away, maybe her crush on Mark would have developed into something more? But the Dark War had happened and Julian and her became parabati...and she would not be responsible for his downfall. She would protect him and his...her family, even if that meant that she had to lie to him and herself... .

It would be the best to act on Mark's offering and embrace the distraction.

I mean she had done it before, many times with Cameron, but that was before she knew how it was meant to feel like...how being in love felt. Now she would not be able to shrug that off that easily and pretend.

"Emma...if you don't want to you have to tell me now, I mean it was your suggestion, right?" Mark said. He was cupping her cheek and leaning against her, while she was just standing there next to her open closet and lost in his Blackthorn blue eye.

„No, I want to...I just had a rough morning... ."And with that she raised her armes and hugged them behind his neck. „I mean, if we want them to believe we are falling in love we do have to practice looking 'in love'."She said and awkwardly pushed herself an inch closer to him. And just with this thought she turned her focus to his golden farie eye. All the tints and sprinkles of different shades of gold made her feel free and unbound suddenly and she felt a heavy weight lifted off her chest. The storm of the wild hunt in his eye had made her able to dismatch herself from her selfish love for Julian, free herself of all her emotions and concentrate on the physical.

She stared in wonder at the endlessness of gold as he lowered his head to her and put his lips on hers. His lips where as soft as Julian's, but they were thinner and more trained. He definitely knew what he was doing.

He smelled like spearmint and citrus, but there was still a hint of the earthy farie smell on him.

He kissed her like she had not been kissed before. It was a strange feeling kissing Mark. On the one hand he was skilled and careful, not rushing anything, but she could feel his confidence and...he must have blocked out all emotions as well. He slid his hands to her neck and played with some of her hair, winding it around his finger. His lips placing light and tempting kisses along her jaw, going down to her throath. Her skin started to burn were he touched her with his lips and she was shocked about herself. How could she be doing this, just so shortly after her fight with Julian? She hated herself, but this was not just about herself, this was about all the Blackthorns. Who was she to destroy their family?

So she gave into her body's needs and gasped lightly as Mark was pushing the strap of her top slightly to the side so he could place small kisses along her shoulder.

„You are a beautiful girl Emma Carstairs. How could I not have realized that earlier? I guess I always saw you as Julian's untouchable property."He looked up at her and grinned lightly, before returning to her shoulder and caressing her sides with his hands.

A shiver went through her whole body by his mention of Julian. She choked it down and smiled down moving her fingers through his light blond hair. It was so much thinner than Julian's brown curls. It was almost like clouds flying around his face. He placed his right arm over her hand in his hair and took it down to the front of his shirt.

„Can you feel my heart racing? I haven't been with a girl for a while and almost forgot how much I loved these..."And by saying that he placed his left hand on her left breast. She could feel his desire and his eyes turned a darker shade as he looked up to her. „Can I...?"He asked and placed a light kiss to her collar bone. And when she did not stop him he went under the hem of her tank top and pulled it up over her head. Her black lace bra was slighly see-through and she could not believe that this was Mark she was making out with. With hungry eyes he traced the swell of her breasts with his finger tips, which made a hot wave go through Emma's entire body. If she closed her eyes now, maybe she could make herself believe, maybe just for a few seconds, that she was with Julian again, that she was as happy as she could be under his hands and melting away by his touch to her skin. As his hands kept tracing over her torso and she gave a small gasp in surprise about his tender touch and his wicked lips tracing a path down to her navel. But when she felt his hand lowering to her waistband her heart started beating faster and she panicked.

„ , stop, please!" She groaned between small gasps and he brought his head to hers and looked at her challenging.

„What is it? Don't tell me you are still a virgin? I heard Dru and Livy talking about your on and off relationship with this Cameron. Haven't you guys yet...?"

„No, I did have sex before, but I am not some fary girl...human interactions are a bit...they proceed slower. I am not ready yet, this all feels so new and ... ."

He looked at her lightly disappointed, but understanding.

„Alright then, but can I go on just a little bit more? I was just about to...well lets say you will like it." He look at her with an unhuman face, full of desire and impatience. He bit his bottom lip and stroke her arm slightly.

„Oh,ok... ."Emma said a bit uncertain, but he did make her curious.

And just like that he grabbed her by the hip and pulled her over his shoulder and moved towards Emma's bed. He shoved away her ILOVECALI pillows and layed her down besides himself.

„You know I always pictured you as Julian's small little girl...,but you are not a little girl anymore. Your body is the body of a strong and stunning woman and I cannot stop looking at it." He said shamelessly, while howering himself over her. She could feel his hot breath on her naked skin and his arms reaching to the front of her bra to undo her clip. She felt his hands shake a little when he tore the bra of, freeing her little round breasts and leaving them exposed. He almost jolted of excitement and went for her right breast with his eager kisses. He stroke her red nipple with his fingertips and lightly twisted it. Her whole body ached of pain and pleasure, but a small voice in the back of her head told her to not let this go any further or she would loose control.

Carefully she took his chin and lifted it up, so he was looking her deep into the eyes and kissed him. She closed her eyes and arched her back against him trying to distract him from his work on her breasts. He kissed her back tenderly, moving his hands all over her torso. She could feel herself loosing control. She slide her hand under his shirt and traced the hard muscle underneath. His body was leaner than Julian's, attractive in its own way. He moaned into her mouth and started opening the hook of his belt.

With still closed eyes she let herself sink deeper against the pillows, trying to focus on what she was doing but it all went blury with lust. He stroke the sensitive skin right over her waistband and lightly tucked on it while placing kisses all over her upper body.

Suddenly she could feel his lips at the right side of her neck kissing her most sensitive spot.

"Oh Julian... ."She moaned, before she realized what she just had said. She could feel him tense in shock, before bolting upright and staring at her with disbelieve and fury.

„What did you just call me? Is that why you were doing all this? You love him, do you?" His expression had changed. Anger turned into fear and worry.

"I...yes, I do. But I..., we can't act on it... ."

"What do you mean 'we'? Are you in love with each other? Emma, you know that it is against the law?!"Mark almost screamed, he had pulled away from her.

"Yes, but it just happened and by telling someone that their love is forbidden, it will only strengthen it. So I did what I had to do. If you cannot make yourself not loving a person, you can at least try to erease their love for you."

"Oh Emma,... ." Mark said and edged closer to her, putting one of his hands to her shoulder, as if to comfort her.

"So this is why I need your help. I need Julian to believe that we are falling in love, so that he will stop loving me eventually. It is saver for everyone. I will not stand between Julian and his family."

"But you are his family, too." Mark said with a bitterness in his voice, but he seamed to get her words.

"I do understand you now and as I told you I have my own reasons for wanting a little distraction, but of course it does not make things easier, that my little brother is in love with you. Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked.

"Yes, I am. I want to try." Emma said in a flat voice.

"Ok then. Julian will hate me for doing this to you." Mark said and he gathered Emma closer to him and put his face close to hers.

"I would say, that I won't hurt you Emma, but you are shaddered to pieces already and so am I. Lets try to collect some of them ok? Together? That is something I learned in the Wild Hunt...you endure a lot more, if you are not alone." By that he rubbed his thumb over her lips and waited for her to answer.

She was absolutely surprised by his behaviour, she had expected him to turn her down, after he knew her real intentions, but he was willing to take what he got and unite with her in their hurt over the loss of their love.

She felt herself relax into him and grab his hand, that was resting on her shoulder and squizing it.

"Ok, I will try. Just promise me you won't fall in love with me. Two Blackthorns at my tail I think I wouldn't survive that." She said with a small grinn and mark was smiling back at her. „ I promise." He said and then he was kissing her again.

 **NOTE:**

 **Hey guys,**

 **so I hope you liked it- please let me know by leaving a comment;-).**

 **I have been asked this and yes, I will continue this story. I loved Lady Midnight and kind of have some ideas about how this Mark/Emma/Julian dynamic is going to continue;-). Also you are more than welcomed to suggest some ideas how the whole parabati issue could be solved. You can send me suggestions or theories via PM. Excited to hear your thoughts;-).**

 **So next chapter will be uploaded soon;-).**

 **Lots of love,**

 **Violetta**

 **P.S. Check out my other TDA short story "Where Fire turns to Water";-) ( set before LM)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

One week later

Emma was running along the beach. The sea water was lightly splashing around her ankles and the salty wind was blowing through her blond mane. She loved the feeling of the sand under her and the taste of salt in her mouth. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, taking up her speed. For a few seconds she felt free. It was the first time in over five years, that the fear of the sea was gone. When she woke up this morning, she just had wanted to go down to the beach and feel the waves, feel the breath of the dark ocean tickling her body. Astonished about herself she thought of all the nightmares and angst she connoted with the sea and how now she was able to embrace its unknown grounds and natural force, as if she was accepting, that there were some things she did not have the power over. Like she did not have the power over changing what happened to her and Julian. Like she wasn't able to stop loving him or change the law.

She did not know, if the fear was gone, because of what happened at the convergence, when she was watching Malcom being consumed by the ocean or because she was accepting her situation. She knew how she felt about Julian and that this would never change, but she had it under control.

Julian's health, his siblings' health and happiness were more important, that her selfish emotions. And it made her happy that they were save and that it had to be enough. She would be able to survive like this and go on, as long as she could protect them and fuel her own heart by knowing so. Even if this meant she would not act on her feelings and have to pretend for her whole life.

At first she had fought it. And it almost killed her, when she saw Julian's face as she pushed him away.

And then after Mark had left her room that night, she was just staring at the ceiling and her heart felt, as if it would crack open at any second. The ache was so intense, so deep...she almost wondered, if Julian could feel it, too. If even some of this pain was actually his pain and she feeling it twice as much, because of their bond. But this was exactly the reason, why she had to do this and by knowing so she was able to use that pain as a constant reminder to be resistant.

And she had survived. She was pushing herself forward and she knew that eventually routine would take over and she would get used to the ache.

And so she felt herself go numb emotionally whenever she was in the same room with Julian, as if she was walking through fog the entire time, that made her hide her emotions from being seen and felt.

Mark was very kind to her and she was thankful for his care and comfort. She knew she was asking a lot and that he had his own unfinished business, but sometimes there were a few moments, when she could feel the fog ebbing away for a bit and feel human again.

When she opened her eyes again she realized, that the dampness of the morning air was already changing into the burning humidity of the miday sun.

And with that she turned and started back for the institute, its roof visible from far behind a hill of sand rocks in the far distance.

Peeling out the sand between her toes and putting on some clean flip flops she was sitting on the steps to the institute's entrance, when suddenly she heard someone moving towards her from behind. Mark was sitting down grabbing the sharp edge of the step with his hands. He gave her a sideways glaze."Morning Emma. I was missing you in your room this morning. I was waiting for you, but when I saw the mess of clothes on the floor I guessed you were out for an early run." He did not look her in the eyes, but instead his gaze was locked on her lips and he was pushing a sweaty strand of her hair off her face.

Emma was still surprised, when he was touching her, as if bolts where going through her entire body. It was completely different to the overwhelming and all consuming electricity that she had felt, when she was with Julian, but Mark's touch did make her feel her body, open her for her untamed self. He was placing one of his hands on her back and slightly letting it slid down to her lower back, while moving up her chin with his other hand.

"Morning Mark. Yes, sorry. I just woke up with this feeling of needing to get rid of all that suppressed energy within me." She looked at the light skin of his cheeks, almost like alabaster with the thin blue venes visible in the brightness of the sun.

His long eyelashes brushed against her temple before he placed a small kiss on the back of her nose. She looked him in the Blackthorn eye, like she had done so many times the past week.

Still leaning his head into hers he whispered:" You know, I think after hiding for a whole week we could actually start letting 'this' become a little more obvious." He pointed between him and her.

" You think? I am not sure...He really needs to believe we are just starting to fall in love. It can't seem to sudden, otherwise he will get suspicious. We have to hide first, because if we would be sirious about this, we would probalby start seeing each other secretly, before deciding to you know...start a relationship... ." Emma said with a slight uneasiness in her voice. "Yes, you are probably right. It is just that I really enjoy our little encounters and I would like to touch you whenever I want to." He smirked at her with the wilderness of the hunt gleaming in his eyes.

Emma was punching him lightly in the rib cage and starting to move towards the entrance door. „ I know you do, I have noticed." She giggled. „ But we do all this because out of purpose and I need this to work out. So keep your hands to yourself." And with that she went inside and up to her room to take a shower.

Church was sleeping on her bed, hiding under one of her postcard-like pillows and she could see the mess Mark had meant being spread all over the floor. She went straight for her bathroom, got rid of all her sports clothes and turned on the shower.

When she was finished showering, the whole bathroom was damp. She went over to her mirror still naked and regarded herself.

She looked at her parabati rune on her forearm and a cold feeling went through her deep down to the end of her spine. She touched it lightly and traced the outlines. Suddenly she wished she could cut it out of her skin, get rid of all this and run into Julian's arms burring her face into his neck. Her fingers digged into her skin along the rune, but she did not feel anything. She looked up at her face, seeing the start of tears building up in the corners of her eyes and shoving them away.

She grabbed a towel from the shelf and wrapped it around herself, before going back to her bedroom. After getting dressed she went down and into the kitchen. There they were all sitting around the huge dining table with Julian sitting besides Ty and Mark and making sure everyone was eating their pancakes. When his eyes met Emma's there was no emotion in them, he was keeping up the fassade in front of the children, but Emma knew he was suffering. It hurt her to see his pain, but this was the sacrifice, that had to be made and she was convincing herself, that he would get over it, that he would move on.

She took her seat next to Dru and Livy. Ty was eying her from the side:"Emma, can I ask you something. I have finished my last investigations about Malcom's killings and I am a bit worried. Do you know where he kept Lady Midnight, I mean Annabel? Diana and the Clave did not find her covin. What if she is out there somewhere and half alive, because the spell was almost finished? That would be pure torture!"

"I know I had my thoughts about that as well. Maybe we should start a little mission looking for her." Emma suggested, while shoving a big piece of panecake into her mouth. Mark was watching her and the corner of his mouth went up. Julian seamed to flinch at that and tried to get the attention back to him."Alright lets do that. I mean we just lied to the clave the last time, why not test their patience again. I am sure I can get us out of that one as well!" He said with bitter sarcasm in his voice.

"I think Emma is right." Dru said while putting some butter on her plate. "She is a Blackthorn like us in the end, we owe her to look out for her. Especially after what her family, our ancestors, did to her. She is the innocent victim." Livy said, while placing her hand over Ty's.

Julian gave her a long look, before he let his gaze wander over his family's faces. Everyone was looking at him with determination and eyes asking for permission. He gave a small gasp. "Ok, right. But we have to be careful and this time. Dru, Livy and Ty are staying out of this. It could get dangerous and I couldn't stand another situation like the convergence, you understand?!" Julian said in a fatherly tone, that made Emma feel a small wave of affection. A shiver went through her and she shook it of immediately.

"OOk... .But I can do the investigations and gather the clues!"Ty said full of excitment and smiled widely at Livy. "This will be it then. We should all go to the library later and see, if we can find anything more." Mark stated and with that he stood up and went towards the kitchen window. He looked outside and his gaze went blury. Emma knew that gaze. He was thinking of the Wild Hunt again, of Kieran.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

And while the others kept on going about Annabel's whereabouts and in which section of the library they should start looking, Emma was watching Mark with a sick feeling to her stomach. She knew what he was going through. After all that had happened he still missed Kieran or more the memory of Kieran and the Wild Hunt, even if on a rational level he never wanted to go back to Farieland. She knew the feeling of being torn to pieces all just to well. The feeling when your heart screams for something or better say someone and your mind tells you the opposite. She knew Mark couldn't forgive Kieran for what he had let happen to her and Julian. She felt the urge to do something, to go over to the window and take his pain, but she knew that wasn't possible.

Deep in her own thoughts she did not realize, that Julian was watching her from the corner of his eye.

He saw her looking at Mark in agony and it felt like the thousandsth time this week, that he asked himself what she was thinking about. In those moments he wished he would hear her again in his head, like the day at the convergence. Even if it was sureal and freaky, at least he would be able to tell what was going on with her. Emma's actions over the last week just did not make any sense.

He knew their feelings were wrong, but he knew that he will love her all his life and no matter what she did or what would happen to them, it won't change. He will never be able to forget her. She was his best friend, his parabati and his first and last love. That he knew. Mindlessly he bite down on his fingernails and leaned back further into his seat.

He thought she was feeling the same way about him, despite she did not say the words, he was so desperate to hear. He knew she was trying to protect him, protect them all, but he was so sick of pretending, of lying to everyone and especially himself.

Sometimes he was shocked about his own recklessness and remembered Kieran's words. _Your have a ruthless heart_ , he had said and he was right. All he cared about was Emma and his family and he would break almost every law to be with them.

His heart ache was so strong he sometimes thought it would stop beating any second, but he knew, that that was stupid. Like it was stupid, that he sometimes, when he was lying awake in his bed at night and knew that Emma was all the way down the corridor in her own bedroom, he had the feeling Emma's heart was beating in sync with his. And both of their hearts so pierced by their pain, it became physical. Only continuing to beat, because they were holding onto each other. But that of course he knew, was wishful thinking. Instead she was avoiding him constantly during the day, trying to play normal in front of the children, but even they must have noticed, that something was different.

He missed her so much. He missed her touch, her lips, her body and the warmth, that was radiating from it at night, when they were lying next to each other in his bed. He missed her jokes, her light laughter, the way her eyes litt up when her eyes found his. He missed it all so terribly.

In fact she hasn't really met his gaze since their break-up. Could you call it a break-up? He didn't know, if he could even say, that they had been together. They never got the chance to sort it out. His hands turned into fists at his sides and his knuckles turned white.

He knew she was trying to appear emotionless and cold, but he knew her all his life. Emma was a passionate, open and driven person, never really able to control her emotions, let it be anger or affection. That was why he knew, that she would not be able to keep this up for too long. It just wasn't who she really was. Maybe he should provoke her? He didn't know how, but he would find a way and then she would be honest with him. Should he make her angry or should he try to tempt her? He should give her no other choice, but to be honest with him. Maybe he should act especially reckless next time they are on a demon hunt, trying to get himself hurt, so she would notice him again. But that was more than stupid. No, he could not risk his life, his siblings needed him, how could he be so idiotic and only think about himself? And like that he pushed his thoughs away, got up and started to tidy up the kitchen.

Dru, Tavy and Livy where helping him with the dishes, before going upstairs. Ty was staying behind and placing his plate into the sink when he asked:" Can I have the leftover pancakes? I want Kit to have some. He is still not coming out of his room and I though some delicious panecakes could smooth the pain of his loss a little." Julian looked at him in surprise. Ty had never shown so much interest in someone, who was not their family. Kit had not come out of his room since he first arrived a week ago and Ty had been the only one so far, that had been able to get him open his door. But he was thankful for Ty's help and thankful he did not have to deal with Kit yet, he would be another mouth to feed, another person to be responsible for and he did not know how much more responsibility he could take."Yes, of course you can. Here, take these and wish him a good morning from all of us and that we would all be glad to get to know him." Julian said, while handing Ty the panecakes. But Ty took the plate and left Julian standing there without another word. _Strange_ , he thought, but then he had other issues to worry about.

Annabel Blackthorn being one of them. Emma seamed to get nervous by Julian, Mark and her being the only people left in the kitchen and excused herself to the training room. Mark was still standing by the window, a cloth and a dirty plate in his hand. He hadn't moved in minutes, but Julian didn't want to ask. He gave him his privacy and was hoping that Mark would find his way back to normality after so many years in the Wild Hunt.

And so after the kitchen was tidy he went up into his room and had a shower.

He enjoyed the hot, strong stream of water on his skin, the whipmarks on his back still sensitive when the water pressed against them. He could almost still feel the whip coming down when he closed his eyes. How must Emma feel? He hated that she took the whipping for Mark and him, as he hated, that she did not come to his room anymore at night or that he wasn't there for her to shove away her nightmares. He felt so useless, as if he had lost half of his soul. And problably that really was the case. They were parabati, they were bound forever and this state wasn't normal, as being in love wasn't normal to their bond, this seperation wasn't either. He wondered, if there was any way to deal with this situation, any solution. He put his hands through his wet curls and turned his face upwards, directly in the water. There must be some way out of this parabati bond... .

But he had read the law books for so many years, he knew every paragraph, every case... . If there was a way, it was either unconventional or forbidden. In the Shadowhunter Codex he had read about the very first parabati Johnathan Shadowhunter and David the Silent. And he knew that David stopped being parabati with Johnathan, when he became the first silent brother. But that wasn't an option, because being a silent brother meant he wouldn't be able to feel love or any very strong emotion. And even more important he would have to leave his family behind and that would never happen. He even thought about becoming a downworlder. Like Luke stopped being parabati with Valentine, when he turned into a werwolf. But werwolves and vampires were not allowed into the institute, so again he would not be able to care for his siblings. No, there had to be a third way. But who could he ask for help and more important, who could he trust? If he learned one thing, it was not to trust anyone. He had trusted Malcom and almost lost his little brother and Emma. Malcom...Malcom was able to raise the dead with fey magic...maybe there would be a way to break the bond with their magic? But this would be breaking every law of the Clave and the Cold Peace. He would risk everything and for what? What if the cost was too high? He would never kill anyone, no matter how much happiness it would bring him in return.

Julian let his thoughts circle until he heard a strong knock on his bathroom door.

"Yes, who is it? I am having a shower." He yelled towards the door.

He suspected, that whoever it was would retreat and leave him alone, but to his shocking surprise that door was opening with a confident swing.

Mark was standing in the door frame and watching him standing there with the shower curtain wrapped around him to hide his private parts.

"Mark?! By the angel, what is wrong with you? You do not just walk into other peoples' bathrooms like that!" he screamed.

"But you are my little brother. Ehm, I mean technically... I know we now appear the same age, but I still claim to be the elder! And despites, it is not that I haven't seen you naked before." With that he gave him an impish grin and slid himself down to sit on the toilet lid.

"Well, that was when? When I was two?What do you want, Mark?"

"Have you seen my Blackthorn ring? I must have lost it somewhere...and I really need it back." Mark said while looking with slight amusement at Julian's uneasy posture.

"And this could not wait until I finished my shower?" Julian said with an angry tone in his voice."I still don't see your problem? I just though maybe you saw it and though it was yours and took it?" Mark said and looked at the fingers of his right hand.

"No and no, but if I do I will bring it to you. Anyways what do you need it for so desperately?"Julian took one of the towels from a hook close by the shower curtain and awkwardly wrapped it around his hips, before stepping out of the bath tub.

"I would say that is none of your concern. At least not anymore." Mark said halfheartedly and by that he left the bathroom.

Julian was standing there, water drops from his wet body falling on the floor all around him. What did Mark mean by that? Was he missing something? He did not know what it was, but he could feel a cold knot build up in his stomach.

 **Note:**

 **Hey guys,**

 **so I hope you liked this so far? I like the way this is going=). Don't worry there will be some Mark/Emma, Julian/Emma and possibly Ty/Kit as well. But please I can see how many people are reading my story and I would appreciate it really much, if you leave me a comment=). I am new to this and it would help me a lot to know what you guys are thinking=). Also if you have any ideas or suggestions please send me a PM=)! Also I have some nice romantic stuff planned for future chapters, but I also have to build the frame work for it;-).**

 **Hope to hear from you!**

 **Lots of love,**

 **Violetta**


	4. Chapter 4

**Note:**

 **Hey guys=)!**

 **Here goes another chapter. As you might notice, I was including some wishes from you guys, so this is for you C. Herondale;-).**

 **And as I said before, I would love to get some comments! They are a writer's fuel;-)!**

 **Next chapter will be longer and very heart-breaking, so prepare yourselves!**

 **Lots of love,**

 **Violetta**

Chapter 4:

Emma was sitting on the edge of her bed and polishing Cortana. Her tender hands flying over the cold metal and encraved words.

Her father's sword was almost all that she had left of her parents, except of some of their old evening wear and wedding outfits. And by that her thoughts travelled to the day, when they all went to the lottery. The way how handsome Mark looked in her father's tuxedo with his light hair shimmering against the dark black and his polychromic eyes following her every move when they were dancing. And she flushed feeling angry and confused at the same she focussed on her sword again and kept marveling about its perfect craftsmanship. _The sword that could cut everything,_ she thought and let her index finger slid across the sharp edge. She gave a small gasp in surprise as the metal cut through the sensitive skin and a small drop of blood fell on the floor.

In that moment Mark came into her bedroom, slowly closing the door behind him.

He gave her a long look and moved towards her. He took her injured finger in his hands and sucked away the faint of blood with his lips.

"Careful Carstairs." He whispered and like that he leaned into her with his whole body weight. Cortana was falling from her hand to the floor and he was landing on top of her between the many pillows.. He lowered his head to hers, his breath tickling the skin of her neck. They didn't talk. They stopped thinking and reduced their focus to their physical closeness and the wildness of untamed desire. She was looking at his blue-green eye again, seeing Julian in it, while not seeing Julian at the same time. She gave him a small smile and touched his light hair, moving the long strands aside. He looked so fary when they were together like this. The expression on his face as unknown and dangerous as the dark sea.

She could see his eyes turn darker with desire by her touch and he slide one of his hands under the hem of her shirt, gathering on her skin between the hem and the waistband of her jeans. The touch made a shiver go through her entire body and she could feel goose bumps all over her arms and shoulders. He lowered his head another inch and then they were kissing. His lips moving along her lower lip asking for more. She felt herself sink down deep in the fog of unconsciousness and forgot all her worries. All she could feel was his skin against hers and the way his tongue was dominating hers in her mouth.

Her hips were pressed against him and her ankles were at the sides of his hip. He moaned and his right hand was taking her left hand and placing it over her head, entwining his fingers with hers and pressing it into the pillows. He felt so amazing and as long as she focused on his Blackthorn eye, she felt save.

He slowly rolled his hips against hers, the fabric of their jeans being the only thing between them. She could feel the wanting spread all over her body, into every nerve and every cell, but she tried to resist. So far they haven't gone any further and she was afraid what would happen, if she gave into him. Then there would be no going back, she would have lost Julian irrevocably. But wasn't that what was neccessary? Wasn't it what she had planned?

Right in that moment her door was banged open and Dru and Julian, with his curls still wet, were standing in her doorframe. She saw them being taken aback by seeing them both entwined on her bed and it was, as if someone had rammed Cortana straight through her torso.

She could see Julian's pained and furious expression, as if he was going to explode and throw up at the same time. His whole body was crumpling and he pressed himself against the doorframe, hoping that Dru wouldn't notice his reaction.

Dru on the other hand, beeing a nosy teenage girl, screamed in delight. "Emma and Mark! Emma and Mark! That is amazing guys! How long have the two of you been in love? Why haven't we noticed earlier? It is sooo obvious, you two make a perfect couple!" Dru was jumping from one leg to the other."Wow Emma, you might be my sister-in-law some day!" She continued and ran over to Emma, who after being walked into, had rolled herself away from Mark and looking deeply embarassed. She was about to say something, when Mark took Dru's hand in his, not seeming to be stressed out about their situation at all and stated:"Well, actually I...we are quite serious, but we were planning on keeping it a secret for a little while longer. It isn't easy to start dating or a relationship with all of you children sneaking around all the time. But since you caught us, there is no reason for us to hide anymore." He gave Emma a long look, before he turned his head to Julian. Julian was visibly flinching at Mark's words, as if the fary whip was going down on him again. With these words Mark was moving closer to Emma and took her hand in his. She just sat there in shock, not able to reply anything or deny anything. She couldn't look at Julian. She felt his gaze on her and his pain in each of her own cells. She wished she could run over to him, hug him fiercely and take away all his sorrow, but she knew she couldn't.

"Well, it is great!" Dru hummed, not sensing anything awkward and continued:"But the reason we actually came to look for you Emma, was that Ty and Livy had a really good point and because of that it would be the best if you, Mark and Julian were to go and check it out. I mean you said, Livy, Ty and I are not allowed to go anywhere 'dangerous' and with Christina and Diego been off to Mexico for another two weeks... ."Dru was speaking so quickly with excitement, her words were just flooding out of her mouth.

"As you know Malcom was talking about Annabel moving in her covin, with every murderer's hand he had collected a little more. So Ty was thinking, the only way how Malcom would know such a thing was by keeping her close to him. And as Malcom was settled here in L.A. she problably was at his house or at some point on the ley lines, where the power would stream into her dead or lets say undead body." Dru continued and shrugged at her last words.

" We have to go over to Malcom's as soon as possible, if it is not too late yet. The Clave and the Scholomance will probably have looked under every brick and stone and if they find her they would...lets say I am sure they won't help her." Julian said, slowly gaining back his pokerface. He stood straight and appeared relaxed and careless, but Emma knew him to well to see him straightened up a little too much, his shoulders beeing hitched together a little too tight and his voice half a tone higher than normal. She could feel her heart crack, so loudly she hoped it wasn't audible. How much she hated herself for doing this to him.

"So get yourselves into gear and lets meet up at the Toyota in 10 minutes, ok?" And with that he left the room, dragging Dru besides him and closing the door a little too hard.


	5. Chapter 5

**Note:**

 **So guys,**

 **I have been working really hard to upload this as fast as possible. I hope you will like it=). Don't worry there will be a chapter 6 shortly, but probably not before saturday as I have some important work stuff to do.**

 **But as always please leave me comments! I can only get better through feedback! And if you have any ideas let me know!**

 **Lots of love,**

 **Violetta**

Chapter 5:

Julian stopped Dru when they were standing in the corridor."Tell Ty and Livy, that we won't be gone for long and meanwhile they should do as we said and have a good look into our family tree and books again. Take Tavy with you to the library. Maybe there is some more information in his children's book, too. I already prepared some lunch for you. It is in the fridge and I am sure Ty is taking care of passing some to Kit as well. And no mess in the kitchen, please or you will have to clean it up by yourselves this time."

"Oh Jules,... ." Her eyes followed Julian as he sprinted to his room and closed the door violently. He always thought that she didn't notice, but he was wrong. She was his sister and she could feel when something was bothering him. He has been acting strangly for a while and she knew that he had a lot on his shoulders. He never complained or failed at taking care of them, but she knew that something must have happened recently. He was just so absent all the time. She hoped he would feel better soon and with that she went into Livy's room.

Julian was throwing his cross bow over his shoulder, before yanking open the main door of the institute. When he saw Emma and Mark already placing their weapons and equipment into the back of the car,

he felt a bitter taste in his mouth and couldn't stop his eyes from burning, fighting of the urge to hide his face.

Emma went for the passenger seat, but then turned around on her heels and slide herself down onto the left back seat. She did not want to sit next to Julian. She knew she couldn't be avoiding him like this forever, but she needed some more time. At least she hoped, that after some time it would get easier.

She was putting her seat belt on when Mark was walking around the car. She turned her head and saw Julian coming down the stairs. His appearance made the constant flame of pain in her heart licking to a new height and she quickly turned her head back around. Even from this distance she could see the agony in his eyes, well hidden under his watched facial expression. To keep herself busy she searched for her stele and started drawing runes on herself. One for speed, courage and agility. Her messy drawing skills leaving them slightly edgy. _Julian's runs were always like his paintings, skillful and steady, like artwork on skin._ She shrugged of her own thoughts. At Rook's house she had sworn to herself, that she would never let Julian put another rune onto her skin, no matter what.

Partly because of what Jem had told her about the parabati curse and partly because she though she wouldn't stand seeing the rune not lighting up, which would mean that Julian had stopped loving her. She knew this was ridiculous, because that was exactly what she should be hoping for, but a part of her was still holding some hope for them. She knew this was wrong and dangerous and she was disgusted by herself. She finished and pulled her sleeves back down, just in time when Mark and Julian where taking their places in the front. Julian didn't say a word to either of them and started the engine.

He was driving rather ruthless and when Mark was suggesting, that as much as he loved speed and Julian's new wildness, as he called it, he did not think that the L.A. police would see this the same way. But Julian had just snapped at him before putting his feet even further down. They were flighing over the slender curves of the road, none of them saying another word.

Emma knew she did it. Julian would hate her now, he had said so himself. _If you and Mark ever...I think I wouldn't be able to come back from that._ he had said to her. A silent tear was running down her face and she hide it with the strap of her seat belt. She faced the window and tried to let her thoughts travel to another place. A place where there was no Clave, no parabati bond, no fear and no pain.

When they arrived at Malcom's place the first thing they noticed was, that all his windows were shut down and the entrance door was sealed with a rune by the Clave. Emma knew this would happen and thanks to her good relationship with Clary Fairchild she knew how to draw the opening rune. Clary had warned her to use it, because it's function wore of quite fast and there had been some cases, where other shadowhunters using it had been were left trapped into the room they were gaining access to. She withdraw her stele and was about to place it on the door, when Julian was suddenly placing his hand over hers, pulling it down. The second their skin touched she felt the wave of electricity go through her bones, that she missed and feared so much. They hadn't touched since one week already and it had felt like eternity to her. It was like as if he had felt the same amount of volt going through his own body and he quickly pulled away with saying:"Emma, wait. We have to apply some runes first. I don't expect any fight, but you never know and this used to be the house of the high warlock of Los Angeles, not being said a mass murderer. He didn't look her into the eyes, but instead focused on her stele and pulling up the sleeve of his gear. By the sight of his bare arm Emma jumped a step backwards and looked at him with wild eyes. "No. I won't. I mean...I already put some runes on myself and I think it would be better, if Mark would practice his stele skills. As you said, it is not like we are likely to run into any trouble."She said with an unsteady voice, trying to sound unconcearned. Julian put his hands back down to his sides and she could feel him tense up, while turning around to Mark, who was standing a little behind them. "Here you go." He said and Mark took Julian's stele and started drawing with hard concentration.

When he finished Julian had a short look at it, before offering to do the same on Mark. Mark took a moment of thought, before he grabbed the hem of his shirt letting Julian draw the runes above his hip bones. Emma couldn't stop herself from staring at them and caught Mark's amused expression. She turned away and started drawing the rune on the door. With a low "swush" the door went open and Emma walked through the entrance Mark and Julian on her heels.

In front of their eyes rose the whole impact of the Clave's investigations.

If Emma hadn't been here before, she wouldn't have recognized it as Malcom's house. Everything was a mess. The floor was full of papers and spell books, having been torn out of drawers and shelves. Chairs were laying sideways on the floor, all of Malcom's little vails and potions were missing, even all his clothes were spread on the floor leaving a trace line to his dressing room. Short, the Clave hadn't been sloppy. If Annabel's covin had been hidden here they must have found her. Emma hoped that wasn't the case. She felt sorry for Annabel, as she knew just too well how hard it was to live with forbidden love.

At that she was looking at Julian, who returned her gaze and for a split second their thoughts seamed to mingle into one. Mark stepped forward, picking up a dried tulip beneath one of the broken vassels on the floor and said:"Alright. Lets split up. We have to hurry. Who knows how long Emma's rune will be working. Jules you look upstairs, Emma you take the Malcom's office and bedroom and I am going downstairs."

They were both surprised about Mark's sudden clear and commanding behaviour, but didn't protest.

Emma went on her tipptoes and jumped between the items on the floor, making her way to Malcom's office. She wasted no time. She scanned the room quickly and saw that the Clave seemed to have drawn a lot of their concentration on it. It was as good as empty. The only things left were a huge dark wooden millenium desk and a chic grey Eames chair. Malcom had have taste, she had to admit.

Dissappointed she went to his bedroom next door and saw a quite similar picture. There was not much more left, than his bed and a chair, his empty closet and..and a small wooden frame right above the left side of his bed. Emma came closer and saw that it was the poem 'Annabel Lee' by Edgar Allan Poe. It was the exact poem that was written inside the convergence. She knew it meant a lot to Malcom. She was wondering why the Clave hadn't noticed it? But then she remembered, that Julian hadn't told them every detail and that they probably didn't know about the meaning of it.

She stared at it and touched it's thick wooden frame. Why would he hang it there? Was it to remind him of their tragic love or was there more to it? She took the small frame in her hands and suddenly a little and cold silver thing slide between her hands and dropped to the floor.

Emma felt excited. This was like playing Sherlock Holmes with Ty.

She went on her knees to pick it up and realized it was a medaillon. An ancient silver pendant with a strange symbol encraved in it's front. A round whirl in a circle with a line crossing it vertically and two points on each end of the line. Emma had never seen such a symbol before. It wasn't a rune or any mystic sign that she knew. Could it be fey maybe or dark magic? She turned it on it's back and saw that there were two letters encraved. _AB, like Annabel Blackthorn,_ Emma thought. She closed her hand around it. She heard Julian shout from upstairs. In a hurry she took the necklace and looped her head through the chain, before going back to the living room. The necklace sitting right over her heart.

"Have you found anything? Upstairs is completely empty. The clave must have taken all his work and client lists and everything."Julian said in a flat tone. In that moment Mark was jumping up the stairs from the basement.

"Nothing here as well. If he had kept her covin down there, there is no way they wouldn't have her already."He said.

"I found the poem of Annabel Lee framed next to his bed and when I..."

but she couldn't finish her sentence. There was a loud sound, like from the voice of a siren and they all started towards the door.

"They must have placed a magic alarm to the entrance door to make sure noone was trying to use Clary's opening rune without being caught. We have to hurry the scholomance could be here any second."Julian yelled in a hushed voice while they were rushing to their car.

They slammed the doors shut and Emma could Julian's voice still ring in her ears. She was feeling dizzy and nauseous. She was half laying on the backseat of the car, while Julian and Mark were yelling at each other which shortcut they should take. Her head was throbbing badly and her neck and chest started to feel numb. She felt the panic rise up in her, but pushed it down. She was a strong shadowhunter, she had taken fary whips and demon bites and worse. A little rush like this couldn't affect her like that.

But why was she feeling so horribly? But she stayed silent, she would just put an iratze on herself. She took her stele out and placed it to her forearm. It faded away rather quickly and she did not feel any remedy. In her desperation she repeted the rune, but no result. She would have to ask Mark to do it, but she couldn't understand their voices anymore. Julian's and Mark's voices were blury and sounded very far away. She started to freeze and goose bumps were spreading all over her skin. What was this? This couldn't be a panic attack or a simple circulation problem.

"... . What do you think Emma?" Julian asked by turning his attention to her. His face went white as he saw her face. Her skin had a very pale grey-greenish tone, she had sweat pearls on her forehead and was pressing her hands tightly to her chest, as if she couldn't breath properly. "Emma!"He screamed and turned the car to stop at the side line of the road. Now Mark was looking at her as well. His always so relaxed features pressed into deep lines of worry and fear.

"What's wrong? What happened? I mean there hasn't been any fight or something. Why does she look like she is dying in any second?" He asked wildly.

They yanked her door open and pulled her out to her feet. She was shivering all over her body and Mark had to lay her down on the cold concrete floor.

"I...frame of Annabel...necklace...I put it on... ."Emma murmured half unconscious.

Mark looked down from her face to the swell of her breast, where the silver metal chain was shimmering from underneath her gear. He put his sleeve over his hand and took the chain up with the fabric not touching his hand. He pulled it over her head and was regarding it for a few seconds.

His eyes widened.

"This is a dark magic medaillon Emma. It..it is very powerful...and..."He lowered it to his nose. "This has been dropped in poison. Aconite to be precise. It is deadly, if apply directy to the skin. You need an iratze immediately, before it is too late!" He looked over to Julian, who was already having his stele in his hand, ready to heal her.

With all the eneergy left in her body she drew away from him and shouted as loud as she could:"No!No!No, not you Julian. Let Mark do it! Please!"

"Don't be stupid! You could die, Emma! My runes will be stronger than his! His are still sloppy, you need me Emma! Let me help you!" He screamed in a desperate voice. He looked horrible. _If he can feel the power of the poison as well?_

"No! Mark,please!"She tried to scream from the top of her lungs, but all that came out was a low scream. Julian stepped aside, as if he had just been slapped and pushed Mark forward. Mark was shacking slightly when he drew iratze after iratze on her skin and they still kept fading and fading. Finally her breath started to slow down, her chest rising and falling slowly and her eyes were half litt.

"By the angel Emma!" Julian shouted and pushed Mark's clumsy hands aside. Steading his own stele to her skin. She could feel his hot touch to her ice cold skin, but she couldn't move anymore. With her last will power she looked at him, their eyes meeting and she felt glad, that this would be her last view on earth. His eyes, her beloved blue-green eyes, that she had missed so much.

"Emma!Emma, ! You won't die! Don't do this to me!"he screamed.

She could feel his hot tears on her cheek before her body got completely numb and a heavy weight was closing her eyes.

The stele in Julian's hand was flying over Emma's skin, while he saw her eyes shut closed. His heart seamed to stretch and splitt in a million pieces and suddenly he was blended by the light glowing of the rune he had just place on her collar bone.

"Emma!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Note:**

 **Hey guys=),**

 **sorry for the delay;-). I hope you are excited to know how this is continuing. As always please review! The more review I get, the faster I will upload another chapter:-)!**

 **This chapter is a bit shorter. I just felt like this one had to stop were it does ( plot tension etc.=)).**

 **Don't worry all the issues that have been brought up will come to make sense eventually;-).**

 **And as always, if you have any ideas or suggestions please let me know! Also I moved this to the The Dark Artifices section and I hope everyone can still find it? Lots of love and have fun reading;-),**

 **Violetta**

Chapter 6:

Emma felt the darkness swallow her. A piercing cold settling over her chest and limbs. She felt her energy fade. Her heart was beating very slow and erratic, as if it would stop at any moment. _So this is the end,_ she thought _,_ when suddenly there was a spark of heat starting at her chest and spreading through every cell of her body. When it reached her heart it's beating became regular and stronger. She felt the warmth roll over her ice cold skin like a wave of fire. From a far distance she heard someone's voice. No, not from a far distance. The voice was pleading and calling her name.

As her senses started to recover, she realized it was Julian's voice. She felt another warm wave explode through her nerves and her heart's aching was replaced by the throbbing joy of pure love. She could feel his hands on her now, shaking and clinging onto her skin so thight she could feel his fingernails digging in. She felt deep gratitude for feeling him so close to her, she had thought she lost him forever. That their connection was gone, that their bond was gone, because she was gone.

The blinding pain in her head, chest and muscles were fading, while this wonderful warmth, that spread from right above her collar bone was continuing to heat her up and wrap her in light.

She heard his voice again and felt his hot tears on her eyelids and cheek. He was so close.

"Emma, please, Emma!No!No!", he half wispered, half cried into the crotch of her neck.

She couldn't stand his pain and wanted to comfort him so badly.

Her eyes fluttered half open and she saw that both of them were wrapped in light. Almost blinded by it she closed her eyes again, before she opened them fully for a second time.

"Ju...Julian...". her voice was not more, than a breath.

His head came up and his eyes met hers. She was shocked about her love for him, being so brutally strong her heart skipped a beat. And as she looked into his rich blue-green eyes she could clearly see the same feelings written all over them. She felt like all her good resolutions of ending his love for her had evaporated. She moved her still weak hands up to his wet cheeks to brush the tears away.

"Your alive!"

His lips turned up at the corners and he gave a happy half laugh half whimper, before he pressed his lips on hers, not caring that Mark was there staring at them in disbelieve. The touch of his lips to hers made her unable to breath, but holding onto him, not wanting this moment to stop.

She felt joy for his unbreakable love for her, but the well known bitterness and desperation punshed their way back into her consciousness.

Suddenly she became more aware of their surroundings and she realized, that the light was coming from her. It was shining out from under her skin, where Julian had drawn the iratze on her, but it was lighter than last time, much stronger indead. It litt up Julian's features, made it look like there was a halo over his head. So bright it made Mark, who was standing close, look like he was staring directly into the sunlight.

And not just that. Where their skin touched their skin was glowing, too. A deep warm reddish tone underneath, like it was spreading through all their muscles and bones. Their body heat being extremely hot, unnaturally hot.

How could she let this happen again? She made it even worse! _This was not supposed to happen ever again! By the angel, what had they done!_

She froze under his lips and withdrew her hands from his face, before pushing him away, not harshly, but firmly.

His eyes flickered up with hurt, but he didn't say a word.

It was like he understood now. She did not have to explain. It was like he was looking inside her head and saw all her fears, all her desperate moves to fix their situation, their feelings. They seperated themselves from each other and the glow of the iratze was starting to weaken. When she looked over to Mark she could see his shock, his whole body tensed to stone. He looked at both of them, his mouth slightly open.

 _Em, he saw us. There is no way he will not find out._

Emma shrugged, she looked over to Julian, who wasn't looking at her and did not seam like he moved his lips just seconds ago.

 _Julian,...c..can you hear me talking in your head as well?_ She stared at him with wide eyes.

She saw him flinch and nodd slowly, but his head was still turned towards Mark.

 _By the angel...,_ they both thought at the same time, making them almost jump at their simultaneity.

They got up on their feet and Julian moved one step closer to Mark.

"Mark. What you just witnessed. It..we...let us explain."

"Jules, I know. Emma told me about you two. But this...she did not tell me about this! What just happened? I mean I kew that parabati are not meant to be in love...,but that wasn't just love. That was...that was... ."

"Magic", Emma finished his sentence for him.

"Yes, Mark. I am sorry, I didn't tell you the whole story, why I needed you to pretend with me." By that Julian was looking between them and his eyes were full of hurt and dawning understanding.

"I didn't tell Julian either." Julian looked at her with deep love and concern.

And so she told them everything.

There was no need to hide anymore. She tried to take Tessa's advice and had put all her hope in it.

But now she had ruined everything. There was no way she could make Julian believe she didn't love him, not after what just happened.

They were both listening to her in silence, the three of them still standing beneath the Toyota by the road and the sound of the nearby ocean soundtracking their conversation.

When Emma finished Julian was looking at her with love and tenderness, as if the last weeks hadn't happened. As if Mark and her hadn't happened.

Mark was very silent and stared on his shoes, as if he felt very uncomfortable, that he had been used like this. She knew he must feel horrible about being sucked into their tornado of feelings and issues. She felt deeply sorry and wished she hadn't asked that much of him.

"Emma, how could you ever think I would stop loving you? I told you I wouldn't no matter WHAT you did! I meant it. Now that I know why you were acting like you did, it all makes sense! I would have done the same for you. But how could you ever think this could be a way to survive? None of us would have survived like this! You know that!"

"Well, I hoped, I wished I was worng about us. I hope you were going to stop. I had to try..." Emma was looking at her hands before she met his gaze again. "But Julian this still doesn't change our situation! I was hoping that I had a way out of this...but now, now we are screwed... ."

And after a long pause of utter silence she continued,"We have to stop loving each other in that way Julian. It is hopeless. I couldn't stand harming your family or you! We need to move on and this is why this has to be over!" Tears were bursting out of her eyes in seconds and she let them stream down her cheeks, ignoring them, like she had to ignore her feelings for him.

"But Emma!"Julian cried out and wanted to walk towards her, when Mark held him back. "Emma is right. You can't. I hate to say this, but I am not allowing it. You would turn mad and kill our brother and sisters. I am not going to let that happen!" Mark said in a grimm voice.

 _Julian. Please,_ Emma thought and he turned his gaze on her, torture written all over his face. She knew he had heard her.

It was as if this telepathic conversation had made him realize the unpretty truth. They were both right. It wasn't normal, not even for parabati to have this kind of bond. He felt like he wanted to die.

And like that he let his shoulders drop and Mark guided him back into the car, pushing him down on the passenger seat. Julian didn't protest.

Emma was silently following them and went back onto her seat in the back.

When they were driving back to the institute, none of them were saying a word like on their way to Malcom's, but this time they were all agreeing on the ugly truth. The medaillon was laying wrapped in the piece of fabric in the glove compartment.


	7. Chapter 7

**Note:**

 **Hey guys,**

 **here goes the next chapter. I hope you still like my story line=)? Please let me know(REVIEWS;REVIEWS!)=)!**

 **I might post a longer chapter tomorrow;-), if you let me know your thoughts.**

 **Have fun reading and good night=).**

Chapter 7:

Mark, Julian and Emma were coming through the entrance door of the institute, when they heard a loud smashing sound from down the hall, close to where Kit chose to sleep. They looked at each other quizzicaly.

"Ty, Dru, Livy, Tavy? We are back." Julian yelled. They dropped their euqipment next to the staircase in the entrance hall and went to where the noise came from.

There they were all standing next to one of uncle Arthur's old greek statues and looking horrified. Tavy was clinging on to Dru's skirt, Dru was holding Tavy's book in her hand and standing close to Livy. Her head leaned against a small slit of Kit's door.

"Hey. Where is Ty? What's going on?", Julian asked firmly.

"Shh, they are talking.", she waved at him.

"Ty was bringing him his lunch and when he asked him, if he would like to come to the library and help us with our research he just snapped. He snapped and punched his fist into the wooden door of his closet.

There is a hole now, in the closet I mean. And he is bleading pretty bad. But he doesn't want to be healed. I think he is scared of the stele.

He doesn't trust us."Livy said, only half looking at Julian so her head remained close to the open slit in the door.

Julian nodded and placed one of his hands on her shoulder.

"Let me go in and see, if I can help. He saw me before at his father's house. He might remember."And with that he went through the door and closed it behind himself.

Emma and Mark stood there awkwardly besides each other, not knowing how to behave. Emma was exhausted. Not only had she nearly died just half an hour ago, but also the thunderstorm of emotions that were flying through her head made her feel sick to her stomach. How was she supposed to behave? Just before their trip to Malcom's Dru had discovered her and Mark and surely had told the rest of the children. How should they explain, that it was all a lie, without giving away any details about her and Julian? And how were they supposed to keep up this charade, when the three of them knew what they were really feeling?

She knew she had to talk to Mark. She owed him an explanation. He didn't deserve to be treated like this, especially not after all that he had been through the last years. She felt so selfish and stupid.

"Mark? Can we talk?", she whispered into his ear and grabbed his arm.

He looked at her hand around his wrist, not meeting her gaze and followed her to her room.

She pulled him in and locked the door behind them, before dropping down on the edge of her bed.

He stopped close to the door, as if he was restraining himself to walk one step further and looked at her. In this moment he looked very human, younger even and she realized more than ever that he hadn't aged in farie.

She pulled on the sleeve of her gear, where her long scar on her forearm was, a nervous habit.

"Mark. I am truely sorry. I know what you must think of me now. I mean, you saw what happened between me and Julian. You saw us kissing. And I,...what we have been doing the last week..., I was using you to hurt Julian and it never came to my mind, that I could be hurting your feelings as well. I should never stand between you and your brother. I put my needs over yours...I am sorry."

She could see his eyes change while she was speeking, as if his human soul was pushed back and his fary nature was getting the upper hand.

"I knew you weren't telling me the whole truth. I could feel the weight of your unsaid thoughts. Don't forget I spent many years in farie and faries can't lie, but that doesn't mean I cannot feel when I am being lied to. On the contrary it made me very sensitive to all the shades of truth telling."

At this words he brought his hand up to his collar bone, where his elf bolt had been and touched the skin there lightly.

"And you know in farie there is a difference between the love of the heart and the desire for physical closeness and passion.", he said and the fey-like sparkle was back in his eyes again.

"I...I don't understand. What are you implementing?"

"I am saying that despite everything that happened today, I am still willing to pretend to be your boyfriend. I mean things won't get easier for you and Julian and please tell me if I am wrong, but I had the feeling like you were enjoying our little time together? You know I asked you this before. Why lie, if we could give this a try. If not out of love, but for the sake of collecting the bits and pieces of our shattered hearts ", by that he moved one step closer.

"How can you suggest that now, after you witnessed Julian and me? After you know that I was simply using you? How can you not be repelled by my actions? I am disgusted by myself!"She felt her stomach twist and wrapped her hand around her belly.

He looked at her and she could see a shadow of worry fly past his irises.

"Emma, you should rest. You've been poisoned. And we don't know, if the medaillon has any other longterm side effects, that we are not aware of yet." He moved towards her and sat next to her on the bed. His humanity was back and he seamed concerned. He took off her gear jacket and whipped some of her blond strands out of her face.

"We can talk later."

She looked in his blue-green eye and nodded.

"Ty what's going on in here?", Julian asked as he slide into the Kit's room.

Kit was standing by the damaged closet hiding in a deffensive position behind an old wingchair. Ty was standing a few feet away from him with out stretched arms, trying to calm Kit down.

"He hurt himself and when I tried to heal him with my stele he completely lost his mind. He won't believe me. He is seriously hurt Jules. He lost blood. Wee need to help him."Ty said while keeping his eyes fixed on Kit's.

Julian was still surprised by Ty's interest in Kit and the way he was able to look at him. He normally never looked people's eyes, but he did look directly at Kit and his face was full of worry and...and...Julian didn't know what it was.

Julian looked back at Kit and moved closer, taking Ty's arms down to his sides and the stele out of his right hand. He dropped it down to the floor and then kicked it away to a far corner of the room.

"See? We don't want to push you. I am Julian Blackthorn, Ty's elder brother. I don't know if you remember? We saw each other over at your father's house."

"I remember. You and that blond girl from the market... . I...keep these things away from me.",Kit yelled desperately.

"All right, all right. But you are injured. Your wound needs to be treated. Let me get you some bandages and some iodine. I think we got some in the training room's first aid kit.",Julian suggested.

Kit looked from Julian to himself and down on his bloody fist. He nodded slightly.

"Ok then. Come on Ty, I could use your help." Ty looked like he wanted to protest, but when he saw the determination in Julian's eyes he didn't say a word and followed him out of the room.

When they had closed the door behind themselves Julian looked at his four younger siblings and said "I know all of you just mean well, but Kit has just lost his father. He lost everything he had and almost simultaneously he had to discover, that his whole life has been a lie, that he has been lied to by his own father. He is confused and broken. You have to be patient with him. Don't try to push him. He will come around eventually. Give him all the time he needs."

"Yes ok.", Ty said uncertain. And then after a short break, as if he was rearranging his thoughts he added:" Have you found Annabel? You didn't tell us anything yet. Where are Mark and Emma? Are they ok?"

At that Julian registered that they weren't there anymore. The well known feeling of desperate longing and hurt was back and tearing at his bones.

"They are alright. There has been an incident at Malcom's, but Emma is fine now. We didn't find Annabel, but we found a medaillon. Emma thinks it belonged to Annabel Blackthorn. She found it at Malcom's. It is dangerous and poisoned. Don't touch it!" He grabbed into his right pocket and showed them the medaillon laying wrapped in fabric in his palm. "If you are going to the library now, maybe try to find any hints on this symbol. It could be dark magic or something like that. It isn't angelic or fey...it must be something else."

Livy wanted to take the medaillon, but Julian moved it out of her reach.

„No! It almost killed Emma. Take a picture of the symbol with your phone and then I am locking this away. Just to be save."

Livy nodded and pulled her phone out of her side pocket on her jeans.

After taking some pictures, she slid it back into her pocket and entwined her fingers with Ty's. "Ty come on. We wanted to go to the library again remember? You said something about looking into more of Edgar Allan Poe's other poems. And maybe if we look at the symbolism encyclopedia... "

"Yes,...lets go. Dru and Tavy can come with us. Jules you are taking care of Kit's wound?",Ty asked.

"Yes, sure. I will get the bandages.", Julian answered.

Emma woke up fully dressed in her gear on her bed. She had a massive head ache and the incoming sun rays that had tickled her nose and woke her up, seamed to torture her eyes like hot needles. She shut them closed again, while the heavy events of the day pressed themselves back into her mind. She moved her head to the side and hide her face under her pillows. Her whole body still seemed to feel the aftermath of Julian's iratze. She was feeling feverish and tired, so tired.

Julian...Oh Julian, what had they done. What if this was the first step to madness? What if she can't stop it? She felt so hopeless, her heart started to fell heavy, as if a giant stone was being wrapped around it's muscle.

She felt the urge to get rid of her dirty clothes, but the urge to hide was stronger. She wanted to get up and move on, try to live with it, try to make things work, but the hopelessness of her situation was winning over and she felt unable to move.

She didn't know how long she had been sleeping or how long she had been laying here, when someone was knocking on her door.

She didn't even make the effort to answer, only moved deeper in her pillows.

"Emma? Emma are you in there? Can...can I come in?" When he didn't get an answer he opened her door and looked in. He half feared he would find her wrapped into Mark's arms again, but instead he was finding her curled up under her pillows. She looked pale and more vulnerable, almost as miserable as she had been when she took the whipping for him. She was his strong and fearless Emma. He hated to see her suffering.

"Em? Are you ok? I thought I healed you?" He was at her side within seconds. He dropped his palm to her forehead and almost jumped when he felt the heat radiating from her.

"You are having a feaver Emma. Let me draw another iratze on you and you will be fine in seconds." He started to move his hand towards his pocket were he kept his stele, when she grabbed his wrist.

"No, Julian. We talked about this earlier. No more drawing runes on each other. Not while we are...you know...like this.",she finished and tried to avoid looking into his eyes.

"I will fight the feaver off. I will do it the mundane way."

He looked at her unsafisfied, but accepted her wishes.

"Ok, but let me at least take care of you. I am your parabati after all, I need to be close to you."He pleaded.

"No, Julian. You know as good as I do, that being close to each other at the moment isn't a good idea. Go to the others,occupy yourself. I..we can't... ."Emma whispered her hand still grabbing his wrist.

He took his other hand away from her forehead and under her chin, moving it up so her eyes were meeting his.


	8. Chapter 8

**Note:**

 **Hey there=),**

 **I know I promised you a longer chapter and please don't be disappointed, that this one is rather short. As the story goes further and further I do need more time to sketch the plot out and develop the story. So see this chapter as a little appetizer for more;-). I will probably post the next chapter in 2-3 days and it will be clearing out some things a little bit ( or maybe not;-)?)**

 **Anyways I wish you a pleasant reading and hope to hear your opinion on it, too!**

 **And I also wanted to thank you for all your reviews so far! They really keep me going!**

 **Lots of Love,**

 **Violetta**

Chapter 8:

She looked at him with determination. No, not this time. She would resist the spell of his endless blue-green eyes, that was always pulling on her most innerst self.

He stared back. Just stared, he did not try to edge closer, just stood there staring, as if they were little children again and in some kind of stare-down contest. _He always used to win those_ , she thought. And memories of Julian in her childhood were flying through her head like images in a caleidoscope. Julian showing her how to hold a cross bow, them reading bed time stories to each other at night, them staying in the cirle of fire when they were fourteen... . _You are my everything Julian Blackthorn_ , she told herself in her thoughts, while a deep line of worry was building up between her raised eyebrows.

She saw him shrugg and suddenly she could hear him again, not speaking out loud, but in her head. _Emma, you are my everything, too. Don't push me away. You can't. We can't. We will find another way out of this._

The sound of his voice in her head scared her so deeply that she felt a sudden contract of her heart. She pulled her hand away from his wirst and looked at him furiously. Her feaver making her shake slightly.

"No! Why does this happen again? We haven't even been using any runes!? Why are you inside my head?! I don't want this! We...we have to stop this!

Can't you see? It is already getting worse. This is all my fault! I should have been stronger!" She was almost screaming and tears were building up in her eyes.

"I...I don't know...Emma, but...", Julian was brabbling nervously. He was biting down on his fingernails again.

"How are we supposed to act on all this? I mean we can't tell anyone. Mark already knows about the glowing runes, but he doesn't know about this telepathic thing...we should get some help...we need some advice..., but who shall we ask?", Julian asked more to himself than to Emma.

"We can't ask any other shadowhunter, they would have to turn us in to the Clave...and we can't trust anyone. Magnus Bane maybe? But we don't know him that well. We need someone who is ancient and knows about the initial roots of the parabati curse. Someone, who can practice and knows about magic, someone like...like the fey.", Julian concluded and looked at her, hesitation written all over his face.

"The fey? It is not like we have the best connection with them, if you might remember a certain whip and... . We can't break the Cold Peace again Julian. I don't think we could get away with that again, no matter how good your story might be!", Emma yelled.

"Yes, but if we continue to turn into 'monsters' like you said and you have to admit we haven't been able to stop it yet, it won't matter anyway. We are screwed, no matter what. The only matter in question is, if we can at least try to do something about it or if we just stay here and wait for our downfall. And you know I won't let that happen to ou...my children.

"Yes, I know." Emma said through gritted teeth. She crossed her arms in front of her freezing body.

"This is why I made a decision. I will leave the L.A. institute. At least for a while. I will go on a travel year like Christina and all of you will be save. I can't be near you Julian. It is for the best.", she said and small pearls of cold sweat were gathering on her forehead.

„ Emma, no. Don't leave me...us. You know our feelings won't change! I know that now, too. And I can't tell you how happy it makes me to know, that your love for me is true, even if we don't have a future." Julian looked at her with so much love and in his eyes all his well build shields down, she wanted to jump over to him and wrap her arms around his neck. Instead she turned her head away and continued:"No. I already made up my mind. I will go."

Her voice was cracking down at her last word. The head ache was getting worse and she felt dizzy again. She closed her eyes for a moment.

"You are still sick. Have a rest. You are not going anywhere like this.", he whispered and grabbed a corner of her blanket, gathering the fabric in his hands before carefully tugging her into it."You are not in the condition to have such a conversation. You should rest. I will have a look, if I can get you some medicine. I might ask Clary to do me a favor and ask Magnus for a cure to your feaver. They don't have to know how you got it though.

"Alright,... ."She couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. The feaver took over and she was already drifting into sleep, when he lowered his head to her face and placed a light kiss to her temple. It was a simple kiss, but the trace of his touch was still clinging to her skin when he closed the door behind himself.


	9. Chapter 9

Note:

 **Hey guys=),**

 **like promised here is a new chapter to my story. I hope you like it, please leave some reviews! And don't worry there will be some Kit &Ty and also more Mark/Emma and Emma/Julian, possibly some Mark/Christina ( what do you think?) I have been reading some of Cassandra Clare's snippets for LoS and that also gave me some new hints on what to do with my story. But this is not solemnly based on clues I have found about LoS, some of this stuff (like the whirl pendant) is stuff I came up with and that I have been planning my own little plot around;-)...I hope you will like it! And as always please, if you have some great ideas tell me! I will try to do my best to include them somehow! Anyways have fun reading and I promise I will be updating as soon as I can.**

 **REVIEWS PLEASE=)! The longer the story gets, the more important gets your feedback!**

 **xxx**

 **Violetta**

Chapter 9

Tavy was sitting in the first floor corridor, his back against the cool stonewall, his legs crossed, the tales book with Annabel's story on his lab. He was reading it over and over again, his index finger following each line, his little soft face pressed hard into concentration. He wanted to help, too. His elder siblings were all so busy researching in the library, going through book after book and only coming down into the kitchen to get some food or meet over a quick cup of coffee. He hated it, that he was of no help to them. After the convergence he wanted to help even more. They had saved him and he was always the small boy, who needed saving. They were all so brave and fearless.

 _I want to be brave,too,_ he thought to himself while biting on his lower lip, when he discovered Church in the end of the south corridor and playing with something. He was whirling around a small and silver object, that gave a little melodical ringing sound each time it hit the cold marble floor.

He closed his book and got to his feet, they felt a bit numb from the hard stone floor, but he shook them impatiently and ran towards Church.

The cat, obviously enjoying himself, did not even notice Tavy's presence and was slamming his fury body to the side, his little treasure caught between his paws.

"Church, what are you having... ?", Tavy was about to ask, when he recognized what it was. It was Mark's missing family ring, that he has been searching for days now. Church must have found it somewhere and must have decided to make it his new favorite toy.

Tavy lowered himself next to Church and the cat started purring immediately. He leaned into Tavy's hand and his body relaxed, giving the little ring free. Tavy took it carefully from him and kept stroking Church behind his ears. The cat watched him with his intelligent shimmering eyes , a hint of protest in his voice, when he realized that he had been robbed of his new trophy. Tavy stayed with Church for another moment, before he went back to his children's book, that was still laying on the carpet in the corridor and then over to Mark's room and knocked on his door.

For a few seconds nothing was happening and then Mark was opening the door. He had slight circles under his eyes, flushed cheeks and Tavy could smell the cold air of the night sky on him, like the smell of rain was still hanging in the streets after a heavy summer storm. Mark's hair was rumpled and he was wearing his outdoor jacket. Because of all those clues Tavy was quite sure, that Mark had been sitting on the roof top again only shortly before he came to knock on his door. His eyes had softened instantly when he had discovered Tavy and he was resting his elbow on the side of the doorframe in a pretending relaxed posture.

"Hey Tavy, what is it?"

"I found what you have been looking for so desperately. Church had it."

And with those words he lifted his right palm up towards Mark, the Blackthorn ring shimmering in the dimm light.

"Oh, thank you Tavy! Yes, I think I must have dropped it somewhere...great!", Mark said before taking his ring and pushing it back on his ring finger.

"Tavy, what have you been up to all day? I mean, you haven't heard anything, if Emma is feeling better already?", he asked shyly, a thoughtful look in his eyes, that Tavy had never seen before.

"Well, Julian has been swooping in and out of her room from time to time and I though I saw Magnus Bane at the entrance hall just an hour ago, but Julian has been quite strict. He wants us to leave Emma alone and let her rest. She is still having a high feaver and feaver dreams. Julian said, we shouldn't bother her and that she will be fine soon, will she, Mark?", Tavy replied in a worried voice.

"Don't worry Tavy. She will be. It is just a feaver. She is a shadowhunter. She is strong. A little feaver can do her no great harm. It has been a strong poison, but she has been healed. And if you are right and Magnus Bane was here, I am sure Julian had asked him for a vail or something. She will be fine soon."

"Yes, you are right.", Tavy said and Mark could see that some weight seemed to have dropped off of his shoulders. Tavy was already to grown up for his young age, he should be careless and happy, but with all their past and all the recent events his childhood had been far off from being easy. Julian has done a great job raising all his siblings, while still being a child himself. And Mark thought tt was time he tried to be there for his siblings, too, at least as much as he felt himself able to.

"Come on Tavy, lets get you some dinner. I can try to make you waffles, but please promise me you won't make such a mess with the sugar again? I think Julian would kill me, if I let you get sticky all over with sugar again."

"Great! I haven't had waffles in a long time! Lets ask the others, too.", Tavy's eyes went as huge as puppy eyes by the mention of waffles and he was impatiently grabbing Mark's hand leading him towards the staircase.

Julian was sitting in Emma's vintage pink velvet armchair next to her bed.

He was watching her with a thoughtful expression. Magnus Banes words still ringing in his ears.

 _You two can't pretend in front of me. I have lived to long of a life, seen to many forbidden loves, have seen to many parabati suffer from their curse. I know when I see a couple, who is in love. I am an expert. And you two are as deeply in love, as you can possibly be. Which is a disaster. Be careful Julian Blackthorn. There is a dark future ahead of you two, if you cannot solve this. And I do not want to see another pair of parabati run into chaos._

After he had left Emma's room he went to call Clary and told her Emma had been poisoned while they were out on a demon hunt and that he needed some medicine for her. And Clary practically being like Emma's older sister, that she never had, had called up Magnus Bane.

So only half an hour after Emma had been drifting off into her feaver dreams, Magnus Bane had showed up at the institute and offered his help.

Julian thought he could just persuade Magnus into giving him some vail and getting rid of him as fast as possible again. He was very aware of their situation and that he had to conceal the true reason for Emma's poisoning.

But Magnus had insisted on seeing Emma himself and after a short time Julian had given in and led Magnus to Emma's room.

Magnus had went straight over to Emma and started his silent examination. he ran his hands in some distance over her sleeping form, tiny blue flame seeming to spread out from under his palms. Suddenly Julian felt as if Magnus cat eyes were burning holes into his skin, so intensly he could feel his gaze on himself, while he was placing himself next to Emma and putting a cold cloth on her feaver hot forehead. He couldn't help but give a tiny smile and his fingertips rested a moment too long on her soft cheeks. She even looked so stunningly beautiful, when she was that sick. She was laying on her side, her golden curls spreading upon the pillow, her cheeks were blushed and had a feaverish glow, her forehead and skin were pale and small pearls of sweat were gathering at her temples. Her long eyelashes were slightly moving, an indication that she was dreaming. He lowered his hand back to his side and met Magnus gaze. His eyes were deep and full of knowledge and sorrow. That was when he said, what he had said and Julian had the feeling as if the ground was being swept out from under his feet.

Was it that obvious now? He had been able to hide his feelings for her for so long. How was it possible that this warlock had been able to see through his mask so easily? And because he had, would others bee able to tell as well? He could not let that happen! And what would happen now? Mark knows, but he is his Brother. But Magnus Bane? What would stop him from turning them into the Clave? What should he do?

Magnus must have seen the panic in Julian's eyes, because he came closer and put his right hand on Julian's shoulder. Magnus's eyes were resting above Julian's collarbone, where a small part of his parabati rune was showing out from under the collar of his shirt.

 _He knows. He knows,_ Julian thought full of panic and tensed all over, when he felt Magnus's touch.

"Don't worry, young nephilim. I don't mean to harm you, nor your parabati. But this is a very serious situation. I have been alive before the nephilim existed, I have seen what happened to them. I have seen parabati kill themselves, because they fell in love with their warrior partner. I have seen them run off, I have seen them tortured by the Clave. I have heard of some of them dying in the process of being stripped of their marks. It is very dangerous your current situation. Especially under Emma's condition. This feaver you know, it is not just the aftermath of the poison and the iratze. There is something else... . She needs to rest and you, you should try to stay away from her. I know it is hard, but you will only make it worse, if you give in now." Magnus had said softly and Julian could feel the weight of his words crushing down on his heart.

"Magnus? Why are you trying to help us? Why are you protecting us? You don't know us and you are having a seat in Idris. You are willing to break the law for us? Why? We have never done anything for you!?" Julian asked with a shacky voice.

"I don't want to see another pair of parabati being torn apart and tortured. Lets say I will do it for love. I won't tell anyone, I promise."

And with that he had left Julian alone in Emma's room, leaving him with some herbal vail for Emma and the promise, that he would come back soon.

Julian was about to replace the now warm cloth, that was still on Emma's forehead, when she suddenly lifted up her hand in her sleep and curled her fingers around his wrist. She muttered something and her eyes flutt open for a split second, before she drew his hand towards herself and settled it next to her heart. Her gesture was so pure and trusting, that Julian had the feeling his heart would burst any moment. He couldn't bring himself to withdraw himself from her and so he let her keep his hand and awkwardly sat in the armchair next to her a little while longer.


	10. Chapter 10

**Note:**

 **Hey guys=),**

 **I know it has been over a week since I have updated my last chapter. I am sorry, that I have to stretch out the space between my updates, but this is due to me having started university just 3 weeks ago and as you might know that takes up a lot of time to adjust to everything etc. ... . Anyways I still found the time somehow to provide you with a new little chapter;-) and I hope you will like it as much as I do. I just felt in the mood for this today...originally I planned on going ahead with the storyline much further, but then this was just fun=)(hope you don't mind=)?) I know some of you wanted some Kitty;-) and there will be don't worry. I just like to take my time and hope you understand? So enough from my side and have fun reading.**

 **P.S.: I will probably post the next chapter in about a week.**

 **XoX**

 **Violetta**

Chapter 10:

 _Julian was holding her hand and she could feel the heat radiating from her palm into his. Her skin felt like it was on fire and every muscle, every cell of her body ached._

 _When she couldn't stand the heat any longer she opened her eyes slightly and was paralyzed by the vision in front of her. Where she thought Julian had just been sitting seconds before, was now a whirl of vivid glowing fire and what used to be her hands, were now big claws made out of sizzling flames._

 _Panic shot through her whole body like lightning, when she realized that in fact SHE was the fire or moreover the fire was eating up her human form and turning her into something, that looked a lot like some kind of fire demon._

 _She could feel the change settle over her body, feel her loss of her muscles and bones, feel the wind around her nurturing the fire within her...where was that wind coming from? Had she not just been laying in her bed? What had happened? Her heart was racing and there was a loud rushing noise in her ears. Someone was talking, but she couldn't quite follow the conversation. The voices sounded like they were very far away._

 _"_ _...which is a disaster. Be careful Julian Blackthorn. There is a dark future ahead of you two..."_

 _Was that Magnus Bane? What was he doing in her bedroom? Where did Julian go? She felt so horrible, the flames went higher and higher and she had the feeling that she would stop to exist at any moment. Julian!? Julian, where are you? What is happening with me? And just as the flames licked towards her face and she felt her lungs colapse and everything went dark._

With a shrug rocking through her whole body like a shock wave she opened her eyes.

It had only been a dream. She was herself again, her body was her's and not a sea of red and untamed flames eating her alive. And more importantly it was still her Julian sitting next to her in her pink armchair, his head moved to the side, his mouth slightly opened, his long eyelashes brushing against his cheeks. His position looked very uncomfortable, but he did not seem to care and she noticed he was asleep, when she realized that the reason he had been sleeping in this awkward position was, because she had tightly clinged on to his hand. In fact she was pressing his hand to her chest.

She flushed realizing he must have let her keep his hand for quite a long time and how awkward this would be when he woke up in the morning and she had to explain why she had acted so selfishly in her sleep. Well, at least the flame, that she had been dreaming of had been kind of real, but instead of being actual flames it was her body temperature, that had set her on fire. Her head and her chest felt so heavy and she had the feeling like she was about to drift away into sleep again, when Julian was stirring in his sleep. She felt sorry for having forced him to stay and was about to let go of his hand. But the moment she released his he snuggled deeper into the armchair and grabbed her wrist tightly. His sudden touch and obvious affection made her heart skip a beat and a second later she scolded herself, that even his tiniest actions still had such an immense impact on her body and emotions. She couldn't let this happen anymore. She had to leave. She knew she was not eighteen yet, but there must be a way to push those stupid rules, so she would be able to leave as soon as possible. Maybe if she talked to Arthur about it. Surely she would be able to trick him into letting her go. It was not like he kept a lot of attention on her anyway. She wasn't a Blackthorn and no one would really care what would happen to her... except for the Blackthorn kids and Mark and Julian.

Christina will understand. She knew about Emma's feelings even if she did not know the whole story. Christina would help her and she will be back from Mexico in about a week, so if she just waited a little while longer, Christina and her would come up with a plan for her and everything was going to be fine. She just had to get rid of this apalling feaver... .

But another whole week with Julian by her side...she wasn't sure if she could stand that...he knew now and it would be even more hard to stay resistant. Well and then there was Mark...she knew that Christina kind of liked him, but that she had been very close to Diego lately as well. She had not told Christina of her and Mark and a small piece of her was worried, that Christina could feel hurt about her actions.

All those thoughts gave her an even more painful headache, than the one she already had and a small wimpering sound escaped her lips. She bit down on her lower lip to silence herself and gave Julian an alarmed glaze. He was still sleeping, his chest slowly rising and falling.

She hated to show weekness or be so vulnerable. She did not want anyone to see her like this, not even Julian. Especially not Julian, because she could feel how her own pain undid him, scratched him open, as if a knife was piercing his heart.

She could feel his emotions so raw and unveiled lately that it was shocking. It felt like their parabati bond had deepened somehow and she knew this was not what was supposed to happen.

Like just now she was able to feel the surface of his unconciousness, as if it lay open in front of her like the dark sea waiting for her to jump into the waves. But she did not dare to let herself go and dive into his thoughts. It felt so wrong and intimate and she did not want to risk making their current state any worse. But was she even preventing this state from getting any worse? What if there was no way to stop it?

What if she would loose her mind and kill his siblings or him?

The feaver made her shiver and a freazing cold rocked through her body. Her teeth started to chatter and she drew the blanket closer around herself.

Being woken up by her sudden movement Julian opened his eyes and stretched himself in the pink velvet armchair.

When his eyes found hers and he realized she was awake she could feel his joy and love rushing through her. SHe couldn't stop herself from wanting more of this feeling, even if it was just for a few seconds.

"Emma! Oh Emma, you are awake! Magnus..he, he gave me this for you. Please, drink it and you will feel better!" He held a small greenish looking vail out to her and she took it speechless.

"Emma, Magnus knows.", Julian's voice was worried and almost a whisper.

"I don't know how, but he recognized, that we two are...you know and he promised me he won't tell anyone, but I am scared, that we won't be able to hide it any time longer... ." He looked defeated and desperate like a beaten dog.

"Julian, listen. We won't let that happen, because we two will find a way out of this. We have to! I told you what i am going to do. I will only stay another week until Christina comes back and then I am gone. I promise."

She saw him flinch at her words and felt his pain and worry.

"You're not eighteen yet and Arthur won't let you go. You can't go! And despites it did not make any difference when I left for England remember? I know what you are thinking Emma and believe me I tried not to love you. But see how successful I have been? What makes you believe, that it will be any different for you? There has to be another way, there has to... . I don't know why, but Magnus Bane wants to help us...he said something about having seen many parabati suffer and that he won't let that happen again. I don't know why, but I have the feeling we can trust him. And even if we can't, what other chance do we have?"

He edged closer to her while he was speaking and reached out to her forehead. She shrugged away from him, just knowing to well what another of his touches would make her feel and she did not want him to feel the effect that he had on her.

He looked hurt by her reaction, but continued with his movement anyway, reaching for the cloth on her forehead and putting it back into the bowl of cold water on Emma's night side table. He wringed it out and handed it to her, not taking liberties at placing it back to her forehead himself.

She took it carefully out of his hand and the tips of her fingers touched his palm for a millisecond. Their gazes met and she did not know, if it was because of her current feaver or simply because she could feel the heat and the wanting of both of them, that made her lift up her head slightly, so that their faces were now just inches away from each other.

She could feel his breath on her skin, fast and uncontrolled.

His blue-green eyes were slightly dialuted and she felt like she was drowning.

"You are still sick Emma. Drink your medicine."He moved his hand over to hers and lifted the vail towards her lips. She drank while not taking her eyes away from him. How could this be wrong? How could something that made her feel so wonderful be dangerous and forbidden? Relalizing he must have heard her thoughts again she opened her mouth half way and was about to say something, when she suddenly felt his lips on hers.

Just in that moment the door opened with a swushing sound and Mark stood in the doorframe.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

 **Note:**

 **Hey guys!**

 **It is time for a new update! And have you seen the new Lord of Shadows snippet on Cassie's blog yet? I saw it this morning and it kind of fitted in my storyline, so I included it in chapter 11. So the bold sentences are the new snippet and belong to Cassandra Clare, as do all her characters and ideas here...I just like to shake them up a little bit;-). So I hope you will like this and please please review this chapter! I am kind of a little bit stuck with the plot at the moment, I got some ideas, but it kind of takes time to put them together, so that everything fits in smoothly=). So if you have any ideas or anything let me know!=)**

"Emma!", was all Mark said, while shock and bewilderment were written all over his face. They jumped apart from each other, their gazes on the floortiles.

Instead of saying anything else he turned around on his heels and smashed the door shut behind him.

"Mark...", was all Emma said before her headache got worse, blinding her senses and making her feel dizzy.

"Em, I am sorry. Let me talk to him. I will fix this. You lay down and rest", Julian said and looking at her tenderly.

"Jules, no. Stop looking at me like that. It makes me feel sick. I can't...we almost did... we can't do this again! We can't and you know why! This is just the very reason why I have to leave!" Emma crossed her armes protectively in front of her body, her chest rising and falling rapidely as if she had just been running for an hour.

But instead of moving away from her Julian put his hand on her right forearm and made her look into his eyes again.

His beautful ocean-coloured Blackthorn eyes.

 **„** **You're going to have to learn to live with it," Jules said. „Even if it horrifies you, Emma. Even if it makes you sick. Just like I'm going to have to live with whatever other boyfriends you have, because we are forever no matter how, Emma, no matter what you want to call what we have, we will** ** _always_** **be us."**

"You know it is not just, whether I can live with our situation, it is more what will happen to you or your family and our friends, that concerns me! If it was just about my own health I wouldn't care, you would be worth the madness and pain, but you know that... . But it is not just about us and you would never do anything to harm your family, no matter how much you think you love me and you know that!"

" I don't THINK that I love you. I DO love you with all my heart, Emma and you KNOW that! Stop lying to yourself, stop hiding, I know it is all sorts of wrong, but I can't stop. I won't let you leave. This is your home and I am not going to let you be alone all by yourself. You have been through enough." He said with a strong voice full of determination.

"Well, Jules, you can't say that being on a travel year is going to be a rough time. I am sure it is going to be fun and I will make new friends...and maybe Christina will come with me... ."

"Oh Christina, your new best friend!? And what when your travel year is over? What then? Nothing will have changed! WE won't have changed!

We are just loosing time and you thought it yourself...yes, I heard that, too. The 'curse' or whatever is going on with us is getting worse and we weren't able to stop it yet! We need Magnus Bane. We need his help. If you are honest you will have to admit, that I am right!" His cheeks were slightly blushed from his emotional speech and she could see his confidence break down now, leaving him broken and restless.

"I...I can't be near you right now. Let me sleep for a while, maybe I will feel better then...I am so exhausted," Emma said and pressed her palm agaist her forehead.

"All right, Emma. But when you are better, we talk. We have to see Magnus Bane, we have to try this at least. Please think about it."

With that he gathered himself up and left her alone.

Emma roled to her side and pressed her knuckles tighly to her temples. But instead of going back to sleep like she had told Julian, she slowly slip out of bed and wandering over to her phone that was resting somewhere in her gear jacket on the floor. When she found it she ckecked the display quickly. There was a short message from Christina and a picture sent along with it, showing her and Diego eating some deliciously looking borritos... _MISS YOU SO MUCH! Cannot wait to cook my new borrito sauce for all of you guys! Lots of Love Christina._

 _I really miss you, too Christina...I wish you were here..._ was all Emma thought, but she would never write to Christina about her current problems. They were to complicated to explain over the phone, letting alone through messaging. She would just have to wait another week.

But she needed someone to talk to so desperately. She couldn't talk to any of the Blackthorns and it was in moments like this, when she felt the lack of having a mother very deeply.

She scrolled down her contact list on her phone in thought until her thumb landed on Clary Fairchild's name.

Clary... if there was one person in the world, she could talk about all this it would be her. She knew about Clary's and Jace's story...Clary must remember what it felt like to love someone, that you are forbidden to.

And Clary was very close with Magnus Bane...so if they had to trust Magnus and tell him, why not telling Clary, too?

She sat back on her bed and threw the blanket over herself while she waited for Clary to pick up the call on the other side.

She did not have to wait for long until a cocky and melodical voice answered.

"Hello this is Clary's phone. You are speaking to her very hot and otherworldy handsome boyfriend."

"Oh...Hi Jace. It's Emma. Can...can I ttalk to Clary, please?"

 _By the Angel! Why am I still so shy around him? I don't have a crush on him anymore!_

 _"_ Hi Emma. Yeah, she is just having a shower at the moment...we just finished training you know,...we had to try out all the new equipment, that Alec and I got for us. Being the head of an institute has it's perks!

Well, I she is just turning of the water, so if you wait a few seconds I will hand you over to her."

Emma had to blush slightly at the thought, that Jace and Clary were so used to living together as a couple, that they did not bother walking in on each other being naked or while one of them was under the shower. The thought about such an intimate relationship made her not only a bit uneasy, but also jealous. She wished she could have all that... .

Even through the phone Emma could hear Clary's chuckle when she took the phone from Jace, while Jace was murmuring something to her.

Out loud he said: "It's Emma. She sounded as if it was important."

"Hi Emma. What's up? Are you ok?"

"Clary. I screwed up pretty bad. I mean...Julian and I we are screwed. We...we... I ...I can't do this over the phone. Can you come over so we can talk? I would come to you, but I am kind of sick at the moment... .Please, I really need your help."

There was even more desperation clear in her voice, than Emma wanted to admit to herself and she knew that Clary must have heard her hick-ups and hushed breath...assuming that she was very close to crying and Emma normally never cries.

There was a short silence on the other side and then Clary's calm, but concerned voice.

"Of course I will come to you. Let me just get dressed and I will be at your place in about 20 minutes. Would that be alright with you?"

"Sure. Thank you so much Clary. And please can you come alone? I...I need to talk to you alone... ."

"All right. Don't worry. See you in a bit sweetie."

"Ok, thank you." Emma replied, feeling a bit relieved. It felt good to know, that she would be sharing her secret with Clary. She knew she could trust her, even if what she was asking from her was obviously highly against the laws of the Clave. But she just had to tell her.

Who knew, Clary can create new runes, maybe she could invent a rune for her and Julian to make this all stop and all her problems would be solved in one instant or was she fantasizing now?

The feaver clouded her judgement and she had to use all her will power to stay focussed. Clary would be here soon and she had to concentrate... .

She sat up in her bed and closed her eyes. _Focus, Emma, focus. You are stronger, than this stupid feaver. Don't let it win. It will all be over soon._

 **Note:**

 **So guys=). This is it for today. I read that Clary and Jace and even possibly some other TMI characters will be involved in TDA and I just thought it was about time to include them=). There are a lot of loose ends in this stroy at the moment. And please don't think I don't know, it is just so fun trying to include all the possible outcomes of LoS. And please know that I am completely left in the blind about LoS like you and all this pendant and Magnus Bane stuf f and whatever else is about to come,-)...is my imagination going wild. I am also kind of torn apart, because I have some different developments forms of my story and can't really decide which to follow...I mean I know where it should end, but both versions are likely and I can't decide yet. So I am kind of building up the side stories a bit more until I know what to do=). Sorry;-).**

 **Well I still hope you enjoyed reading it and hope to READ FROM YOU=)!3**


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